Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
