Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
