elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
