i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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