Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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