Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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