My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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