My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
