He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
