i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
