I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
