no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
