Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
