Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
