You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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