I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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