and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize