i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
