Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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