oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
