If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
