check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
