she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
