I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
