How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
