I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
