I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
there is glitter all over my balls
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
