I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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