I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
