Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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