This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think my moral compass just broke
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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