she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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