he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
