Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
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My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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