In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
