I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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