One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
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