He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
