If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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