i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
