hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
