My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
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Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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