Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
