She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
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