The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
