Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
