the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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