A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
