I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
