I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
