I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
