I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
