Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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