So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
