Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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