Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
