My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
