Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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