Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This is classic penis vs brain.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
