you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
