I'm gonna have a badass scar
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
