dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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