Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
