I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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