they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm like, not good at living.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
