I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
