no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
