someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
