Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
